Fear stops us from doing many things. But it is important that we realise where these fears come from, because many of them aren’t our own.
This morning I officially launched the Ultimate Guide To Wealth’s website on the world, actively promoting it and my free guide, “3 Strategies For Saving Money“.
I spent the morning writing several posts for a number of Facebook groups of which I am a member, asking for comment and feedback. I also wrote the introductory post for the Ultimate Guide To Wealth’s Facebook community page.
Spread over several of the posts, I had written the following in my comments: “To be honest, I’ve been stuck at the point of getting my offer out into the world for a couple of weeks now, purely through fear about what everyone will think.”
My mum came to visit me for a few days from interstate last week. For the reasons I have outlined below, I generally have a rule that I don’t tell my mum what I am working on. But since she was here, and I was proud of what I had accomplished so far, I decided to give her a sneak peek at the Ultimate Guide To Wealth website. By sneak peek, I really do mean a peek.
She has since returned home and then early this afternoon, as if on cue, I received a phone call from her. After the general family type chit chat, she drops the bombshell she had obviously been waiting to deliver.
“I think you should be careful with what you are doing with your website. You know what people are like these days. What if you don’t get it finished. It’s really difficult you know, what if you fail?” What if? What if? What if?
The funny thing is, she really has no idea about anything I am doing. She knows nothing of the research, the study and the hard work I have put in in the pursuit of success. She has no idea that I am more likely to fail because of her “advice”.
Maybe I might fail, but that is not the end of the world. It is a lesson I would have learnt, and I will pick myself up and try again.
Needless to say, I very unceremoniously put her back in her place, and ended the phone call soon after that.
Unfortunately for me, my mum has been like that my whole life. Quick to point out to me the reasons why I won’t succeed. She is quick to pass on her fears, to the point where it even led me to write a song that my band Azure recorded many years ago, titled “Should Be Set Free“. It has some great lines in there like “Don’t tell us what can’t be done,” and “you filled our minds with all our fears and kill the dreams we hold so dear.”
All I want is for my mum to be supportive of what I am doing. I don’t want the what ifs. I don’t want her fears and it frustrates the hell out of me that she offers them so freely, but I have heard them so many times over the years that I hear them in my head even when she isn’t there. They lead me to procrastinate with some tasks, like launching my website for fear of what others may think, or not even bothering to try others. Therein lies my real failure.
My mum, like so many parents around the world, would be more than happy to see me remain in a “safe and secure” but unfulfilling job for the rest of my life. Well, I have news for you. I am well and truly over it.
After an animated and very one-sided conversation with my wife about the call, I sat by myself for about an hour, angry, upset, and in contemplation of just giving up. After that I decided to write this piece and utilise that anger as determination to succeed.
It also means I will be a little stricter enforcing my “don’t tell mum” rule.
If there is any-thing I can offer you as a takeaway from this episode, it is this:
- Don’t ever let anyone else influence you or hold you back with their fears.
- Associate more with those people who fuel your passions and provide you the support, direction and drive you require for success. Associate less with those who drain the will to succeed from you.
- Be very aware of the messages and beliefs you give your children. Be caring, loving, supportive and let them be challenged, but don’t be afraid to let them try something new just because they might fail. The true failure is in not trying at all.